Oh my. This is the second time I am going through this course and have also received support from working with a practitioner and I just finished working with lesson five and there was some deep kind of click, some kind of shift. I can still feel it while I am sitting here writing. My ancestors have been pretty insistent on me grouping three of my lines together – even though by my present day brain and family story, they are different (Bavaria and Hesse Germany, Bohemia, Liguria northern Italy, Campania southern Italy). My fourth line (Abenaki, Miqmaq, Anishinaabeg, French, Irish) stays to the side but the other three, they have shown me on maps where we have shared origin so many thousands of years ago. This is where they have wanted me to spend time. There are more layers but someone has been working with me for awhile, building relationship, a guide. I woke up this morning feeling unsettled, not sure what I wanted to do on a day when I actually have our home to myself, a rare thing. I did that not-thinking-movement thing and ended up here at the course and clicking play. Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. I think what I am most amazed by or startled by not for the first time but all over again is the many threads that have been leading to this moment, the many different things that have come up in thinking brain, from the world around me, and through prayer that feel like the threads that they are weaving towards so that today I could be awake and listen. I recently read a study, new research, that talked about how there was a moment in history when warriors from northern Europe came into the Iberian peninsula and basically did to people on that land what was done to my people who are native to the land where I live – completely wiped out whole communities and, in this case, all of the carriers of the Y chromosome so that contemporary people on the Iberian peninsula don’t have that Y chromosome anywhere. So they killed all the men. I had a huge gut flash when reading this but also knew this wasn’t my people, but something about it hit me viscerally. There are other things that have happened in my life over the past few weeks that are again viscerally not intellectually in line with this, things I have said or felt or remembered. Today something similar showed up during the pulling together of the energetic field to heal these lines, and there was so much grief. I kept seeing children, different shapes and genders of children, and feeling/grieving what it means that our children have been raised to then be the adults who could harm, and also feeling/grieving our children, the children who were raised and did not harm, feeling all of them in this cocoon emerging, all of these lives and feeling their childhoods, feeling their child-ness, and feeling how much it is our responsibility as parents, grandparents, elders to ensure that the children are ok and able to carry forward the culture, the values, the stories of our people, I felt the loss of so many children. Bear has been showing up for me in recent months, surprising me because I have not ever had a relationship with bear but bear has been showing up and teaching me about hiberation, about sleep/waiting with the promise of life coming again. And so all of my offerings for this session are about bear and at one point, as I was in it and feeling/crying/knowing, I could feel this click in my head, all of my training and learning about freeze within the survival responses, and how to work with it individually and collectively, and then bear just sat there, knowing that sometimes freeze is about sleeping and that sometimes our work, my work, is to prepare the space so that bear, those in the cocoon, aspects of my self, are ready to wake up when spring is here. Which in Minnesota, it almost is, we are on the edge, we are on the edge. Thank you for this work. My gratitude for it is part of my offering today.
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